Dragon,
The thought that all of your feelings of “potential” are just bullshit and you’re no way near as special as you feel, is a terrifying one.
When that thought comes, it seems to not just linger, but latch on and take root. Almost seeming to draw on your own source of energy to help fog your brain on reasons to clear your name.
I know your habit in that moment is to double down on what’s not working in your life, enforce your new routine, new goals, new life change, culling of people, clearing of energy etc etc etc.
Those are all distractions.
You see, you are currently out of balance.
You know it. You’re seeing symptoms of it all around your life.
One area may be moving forward, but overall, your ship looks like it’s sinking.
Consistency with ease feels like a fairytale, creative bursts are happening more infrequently, and you’re feeling like you’re spending more time convincing yourself of your worth and value, more than actually believing it (and lets not forget the insidious habit that you have to prove your worth in order to take a rest)
There is only one thing you need to be focused on right now: your source.
Your job in this moment is not to develop routines, change plans, or “self-care” with a massage.
Those things are all nonsense if you don’t know where or what your source is.
The fact is, at this point, the routines you follow “because they’re supposed to be good for me” only depletes you. Why? Because you do not know YOUR PERSONAL source.
Your personal routine is something that stokes your source. It helps bring the right amount of fuel for your internal fire. It helps keep your life at the right temperature, the right regulation for you to live your life out at your preferred level.
You need to come closer to your source. You need to know what that is and tap back into that.
It need not be made of words. It can just be an image, or a sound, or a taste or touch. Whatever it is for you, it is visceral and fulfilling. You know the feeling because you were born with it. You’ve just forgotten.
It is the feeling of all your happiest moments, all of your creative moments, all of your winning against all odds moments,
It is not about others. Doing for others can’t draw you pass this kind of resistance. This source is the feeling behind what gives your life personal meaning. It is a power, a special fuel that helps you lights up ALL parts of your life.
That feeling doesn’t waver. It is your own personal guiding light.
It is the only thing you need to fill up on right now.
Find that feeling, sit with it, THEN act.
The results you seek will come.
For now, dig deep Dragon.
Trust yourself.
